Learn To Love Who You Are As A Powerful Woman – Huda Baak

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:00:05

Welcome to the D Shift podcast, where we provide inspiration, motivation and education to help you transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on your own terms. Are you ready? Let's get the shift started.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:00:24

Hi, and welcome to the D Shift podcast. And today it is my honor to get a chance to speak with Huda Baak, who is an amazing person, a wonderful friend, and just a fantastic individual at what she does and who does area of expertise is international image consulting. So Huda, I'm gonna ask you a little bit about what you do and why you're here. But first, I want to thank you very much for taking the time to come here today.

Huda Baak: 00:00:53

It's an absolute pleasure, Mardi, are you kidding? I'm fine with you. The way anytime

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:00:59

we're just having our cup of tea and sit here and chatting, so. So tell me a little bit about about yourself, and how you how you assist women in what you do in your role. I know you have a bunch of different roles. So share with us as much as you want about what you do.

Huda Baak: 00:01:15

I love the work that I do, Marty, I kind of fell into it backwards. And I don't know how many of your listeners can relate to this. But I was on a trajectory to be in business, I knew I wanted to work in international hotel management, that was my degree. I did three internships in several countries. And then I got injured my first job. And I did I was 23 years old, married two weeks into it. And then I was flat out for several months. And so as I rehabilitated myself, kept getting re injured. So I stopped altogether for a while. And then I remembered my past. So my past was that I had been, you know, my, my mother's side of the family was into fashion. So they had fashion houses, it was European fashions is what I was familiar with. I'm not from the US. And so little by little, I started to intern with a woman and image consultant from New York. And then I did a little bit more. And then I got more proficient in makeup artistry, and I started my business at the ripe old age of 24. Wow, I've been doing this over 30 years, speaking professionally on it. And it's something that I'm so passionate about. And somebody reminded me of it just yesterday is that the number of women that there's a lot of transformation when you do image. And a lot of it is external and the external is instant. Because I could take anybody and go shopping right now and take you to a hair salon and have your hair done differently. And you will look completely different. And I did that for many years. The thing is, is that that's just the external image, which is instant, it's instant gratification, the O R factor that you see in TV makeovers, then I started to notice that not everybody that I worked with, stayed like they didn't maintain it. So it wasn't until I got a little bit older, because you know, of course at 24 you know just about everything. And it wasn't until like mid 30s and a little bit older to be very honest, that I started to realize it's the one to one clients that I worked with on the inside, meaning mindset, meaning how they feel about themselves. Like when you when she looks at the mirror, how does she react? It wasn't until I started doing more of the inner image that the outer image would stick. Does that make sense?

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:03:52

You know what, who did this totally resonates with me because I was always like, kind of mascara. That was my big makeup thing that was it. Kind of still is but occasionally some lipstick now, but that's about it. But but it meant like when I went to actually I think my sister's wedding was one of the big times where she actually had a makeup person come in and did our hair and makeup. And I remember she put on you know, lipstick and the whole thing, the foundation, the book, and I remember thinking, Well, I can't even believe that me and then that was it. Like it was a one day thing. And I never, you know, I knew I couldn't do it. And so I just didn't. So yeah, I get that completely. Yeah,

Huda Baak: 00:04:34

so the difference between what I do because I can totally do the TV makeovers, I could totally do it where you know, they take somebody and chop off all her hair, put her in, you know somebody who works in a farm and then suddenly put them in skintight clothes and stilettos. But it's not sustainable. Yeah. It's not authentic. And it's not you. It has to resonate. It's got to be who you are the colors Even if I say that this color looks awesome, you must know you must not. Yeah, it doesn't really needs to be authentic and it needs to be who you are, and how you want to express yourself. No matter what stage you are in your life. Sorry. Yeah, yeah,

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:05:18

no, no. And I think that, you know, I think that that is so true. Because I, you know, they talk a lot about imposter syndrome at work. I think you can be impostor syndrome in your own body, you know, when you're in illis clothes that don't feel natural or what's comfortable for you. And I have to tell you, I took a course from Huda, and she has a fantastic course I did. I did it when that was a almost a year ago, I guess now a year ago. Yeah. And it was fascinating, because I was able to identify the clothing that appealed to me, and why I should stick with that rather than buying something that, you know, was kind of trendy, but wasn't me. And so that was a really insightful thing. And I am, I'm not an image conscious person. So which is probably to my detriment, by the way. But I'm really interested about that in your mind style, though. Yeah. So but tell me a little bit about that internal internal mindset shift, because that That, to me, I think is the most interesting part.

Huda Baak: 00:06:21

It truly is to me as well. And I claimed this several 100, gosh, maybe 15 years ago, I started to do a lot more keynoting on this. And I coined this thing, where there are four quadrants are four components to image. Most people think of image as the physical, you know, your hair, your lipstick, your clothes. And that is one aspect. But to me, it's also your mental, the emotional and the spiritual aspects of your image. And what I mean by that is your mindset. So when you're showing up to an event, what are you thinking about? What is it that just happened right? Before you showed up? And is it still on you? Are you still wearing that upset, and then you've got your emotional? Again, when you're, let's say, the proverbial networking event, or even on a zoom networking event, because we've all seen people like you've got your little cubbies, Brady Bunch boxes, and you're looking at people and some are like, totally in and leaning in, and wanting to. And then they've got others that are just like this, or leaning, I don't know if those of you who are just listening and not seeing it, but they're leaning to one side, or their shoulders are hunched over, there's something about the energy that needs to come through. And so that's the emotional body, that's your mental state. And to me, one of the most important because it leads, leads everything is your spiritual aspect of image, which to me is your worthiness? Do you feel worthy of being in that room with those people? Do you feel worthy of taking up space. And I mean, for me, it's a whole day affair where I talked about body language. And again, for listeners who can't see, but women tend to stick with our hands, our elbows close to our bodies, and we take as little space, we cross our legs, when you put your purse down, when you walk into a boardroom, let's say your purse is right next to you, everything is closed, closed in and close to you, as opposed to have a man were to walk in. And then he'd be like taking over his keys would be over here, his phone would be over there. And even the way they sit, they're not going to sit, you know, straight up and down in the chair, but they're going to lean their elbow is out. Right so they just physically take up more space. Now I've never done the fake it till you make it to where we want to be men. But there are certain aspects that we do want to grow into as well or use and incorporate is what I meant to say. You

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:08:51

have to have that you have to have a sense of I belong here. Especially, you know, and I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna say this from 1000 mediations I've sat in on when when you walk into even a mediation or negotiation, even if you're not going through a divorce mediation, even if it's a business negotiation, even if it's a board meeting, if it's a sale to a client, if it's whatever, if you walk in with that, I call it the really super the hyper humble pose where you're kind of, you know, tiptoeing almost like Can I please have permission to walk in the room? That's, that's a whole different message than if you walk in with confidence, and kind of stake your claim this is my place and I have the right to be here. So how can you how can you actually build that or do you think you can or how do you go about building that sense of inner spirituality, confidence, comfort in your own skin?

Huda Baak: 00:09:44

Yes, you can. And I don't usually you won't ever hear me say fake it till you make it. But there is an aspect of that that I will say, because what we're really saying is that it's it's the see because for First of all, I'm going to backtrack, it's within you all along, it's very much that Wizard of Oz, you've had it in knew all along, okay? So I don't like to always say who you are becoming right to diminish who you are today. It just like an acorn, it becomes the tree, right. But it starts in that seed, it's in, you all have it already and all along. Having said that, it's just that we haven't watered it and fertilized it. And so that's where if you have to tell yourself, fake it till you make it, then okay? Not my favorite, because it must be genuine in order for people to feel that from you. So I would say it starts with your strike, like, let's say the example that you just gave Marnie. So it's the example of walking into that boardroom, or the stage or whatever it is you're walking into, I would start right there with your stride, your legs, women who have less confident anyone who is less confident, is going to walk with their stride super short, their legs are not going to be far apart, their arms are going to be so close to their sides. Again, the more confident you are, it starts with the shoulders, that they're a little bit away from your body, therefore your arms will swing, your legs have to swing, you know, they larger steps where it's natural, okay,

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:11:20

you don't want to be like a lumberjack. No,

Huda Baak: 00:11:22

you're not beating. Right now you're being yourself, you're only more confident. So again, squared shoulders in your head high, not your chin, because your chin up high, is going to make it look like you're less confident. That's going to be like a little ballerina who's trying to be something but it's not, your chin is down but you elongate the back of your neck. So from a posture standpoint, your shoulders, your hips, and your feet, your ankles are one line, okay? Back to your hips, your back of the neck, your shoulders, your hips, and your feet. Because that right, there is the most the strongest, if you are standing for women don't stand on one hip cocked, as opposed to the other. You know, because whenever we tend to do that, especially if you wear heels, it's more comfortable. We're used to having a baby maybe on the side of you, or books that you'd carry on the hip. But as much as possible, balance your feet, a couple of feet apart. So that's just from a posture standpoint. Otherwise, mirror work is super helpful. If you're familiar with Louise Hay, and her whole thing of, she used to say she's like the mother of all of this kind of metaphysical. And she's to say, she never would pass a mirror or a window without looking at herself saying, looking good kid. thing you know. So even if it feels so stupid, or fake or not real, it's alright. Because you're telling yourself, even if you're not able to look at yourself in the mirror and say I love you. And using your own name, there's still a way for you to honor that self and that self. Capital S part of you, right? So I would say start with the mirror work that you did that you love yourself, that you're honoring and respecting. If you're afraid of going into something, totally acknowledge it and say, okay, but ground yourself, stand stronger who you are, you absolutely deserve to be there. Everything you've done in your life, up until this point is to get you into that room, or that stage. Yep.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:13:38

And stop judging yourself against the top person in the world that is in your niche area drives me insane when people saying, Hey, man, I was talking to a lady the other day, who was a phenomenal coach. She has a huge business. She has been asked to speak on stages all across the world. And she's an inspirational speaker, highly, highly inspirational. I won't I don't have permission to use her name. So I want to be careful about that. But I was talking to her the other day. And she said to me, she goes well, I'm pretty good, but I'm not as good as and she actually said, I'm no Oprah Winfrey. And I said nobody's an Oprah Winfrey, except for only one. There's only one Oprah. Oprah doesn't get on her show every day and think, oh my goodness, I'm not as good as whoever, you know. So just own that you've got and it's interesting. You said that thing about the mirror Huda because I went through a phase in my life and I'm still kind of in it. Full vulnerability on honesty here, where it's, I don't like looking in the mirror because I don't see. I don't ever see anything that I kind of really like. I think, well, that's getting a little better. And that's not as bad as but I so admire that idea of just saying I am who I am, and I love me for where I'm at Ah, and yeah, maybe there's things I'm working on, but I don't have to compare myself to anybody else.

Huda Baak: 00:15:05

You know, especially with aging bodies like right now in my later 50s. And it's not what it used to be, you know, you have children. It's not, it's just not the same. And I compare me sometimes to my old knee. And that's almost worse. Because instead of only taking the worst of the worst of the negative, and holding that up, what about the other gajillion things that I've done that are so much more powerful today? than they were five and 10 and 15 years ago? Right? Why don't I compare the good stuff like, oh, I used to be, let's say I was a mouse about this, but look at me now. Yeah. Why do we only find the one fault or the one thing like sometimes I like to coach teens as well and high school kids, and one of them gorgeous, by everyone's estimation. Oh my god, Maddie. She's just stunningly beautiful. Maybe 15 pounds heavier. But then she sits there and turquoise blue eyes, mind you. But she'll sit there in the picture. No, see how my eye is dipping down in this eye. But this eye is not. There is not one human who's going to look at her. And notice that. Yeah. And yet to her. That's all she sees. And she's all 15 Yeah. So I would say to that, is that love what you have? On a joking side? I was gonna say that's as good as it gets. I don't know like as far as doing body like, because like, have you seen your pictures from 10 years ago when you thought you look bad? And now you say, Oh, look at my skin. It was so pretty. Had a flat a six pack? today? Yeah. Love it. Love it. Love. Yeah, yeah. But more importantly, honestly, Barbie, I wanted to add this more important than loving just how you look? Is honoring what it can do for you honor what your body's doing. Yeah, that's, I'd had an accident. So when I was struggling to get a foot in front of the other on days, I always said like, as soon as what I was done with this, yes, I gained 15 pounds on a small frame of mine. But every day that I sit there and start to complain about that. I'm like, Yes. And I can drive again. Yes. And I'm not using a cane. Yeah, you know, yeah. Perspective.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:17:35

Yes. Oh, who did that is such a powerful message. And I know, I know, you know, everybody has that overcome story in their life. It may not be an accident, it may be, you know, kind of they were locked into thinking negatively about something and they broke out of that. Or maybe they made a decision to change careers. And they moved out of, you know, a kind of a Okay, career to their dream career. That all takes that courage. And we don't respect the fact that we did that. So. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I want to throw in here just

Huda Baak: 00:18:09

always re re Energize. Yeah,

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:18:13

yeah, got a little bit more about that Huda.

Huda Baak: 00:18:16

So for me, it's not necessarily reinvent yourself, unless you're in a position where you need to, or you want to, if it's a career thing, but to me, it's refreshing, at least, if you've had the same makeup that you've worn for the past 10 years, it's time to do something a little different if you've worn the same hairstyle, especially, you know, if it's out of ease, and you've had the same bangs, or you've had the same length or the say, It's time now I'm not one to say now painted a different color or be bright pink today and blonde tomorrow. Be authentic, and be yourself but bring in fresh energy. Because when you look at that mirror, you're gonna see yourself differently, and it's super important, especially with life transitions, is especially you want to commemorate your physical with the actual transition in your life. Right.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:19:08

Yeah. And, and I was going to tell I was just going to say that if people think that he would, and I seem to know each other very well we do. Huda is one of our one of my I, one of the people that works with my clients when they go through my divorce coaching, so who is one of my divorce clarity coaches, and she does a phenomenal job with what she does. And like I say, I can vouch for it because I did the course and I learned stuff. And I like I say I'm not I'm not the girly girl. I'm just not.

Huda Baak: 00:19:40

So I learned an awful lot. Um,

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:19:43

Huda. What do you what do you think you talked about the how do we get over that sense of when we do make a change? And I think you and I had had this conversation before. When we do make a change. Like let's say we've lost weight or let's say we've gained weight Let's say we we've done whatever. How do we adjust for that when we're when we're presenting ourselves? Like, how does that impact how we see ourselves? Do you notice any differences? Or do you have any examples of things like there?

Huda Baak: 00:20:13

Absolutely, there is without a doubt, because even though some people and I'll tell you the vulnerability and open it for a while I did stop my career, actually, because I was like, this is superficial, how can I be telling people to be authentic and be present with who you are, and be yourself? And then the next sentence, I'm saying, Yes, but you know what, if you do your makeup like this, it'll make you look more alive. And if you wear this color, you'll look more. So it just kind of made me think about it. And then I'll tell you why I went back into it is because of the number of women that would cry in front of me, when they see the physical transformation. It's just amazing for me, because to me, it may be a lipstick, but to someone else, it's a new way of seeing herself. At least five women, I've worked with 900 women, one to one. And of course, I've coached many, many more on stage. But one to one, I've had at least five women in the recent past that have said to me that have cried and said no one ever told me that I was beautiful. I mean, that just makes me tear up. Yeah. Yeah, no one has told me that I looked beautiful Nolan. And so to me, when I'm sitting here saying, Oh, it's just so superficial. It's just looks really how important is it is what I've started to understand is we all want to look beautiful, but not everyone's form of beauty is the same. And that's like, the biggest aha, for me, is what's Beauty for me, is different than it is for anyone else. Right? And I'm not one to make you to look beautiful is not my intention, but to feel beautiful. So if I've gone off on a tangent, please bring me back. What was it that you were gonna say the trance, the emotional transformation is what I was really going after.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:22:09

Yeah. And there is something when you feel really good about yourself. And whether you're in Texas, and you're wearing jeans and a nice shirt and boots, or whether you're in New York City, and you're wearing a designer, you know, business suit, when you're walking into a multimillion dollar deal. It does not matter. It's the sense of confidence that you feel good about yourself. And it doesn't just have I like the I like the message you have. It's not the hair, the makeup, the clothing, or sort of the way she you show that to the world. But you've got to have that inside before it can be authentic, when it comes out is what I think what I heard you, you know, really focus on?

Huda Baak: 00:22:51

Yes, absolutely. So

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:22:55

I know you do a little bit of work, too. And we're just about getting close to the end of the time here. But I know you do a little bit of work with women on confidence building, especially if they're going to be speakers or whatever. Can you just touch a little bit and I we don't have a lot of time. But can you just touch a little bit on how that might be something that even if you don't want to be a speaker, when you're going through challenging times? Definitely divorce falls in there. What What can you do to sort of build your your confidence,

Huda Baak: 00:23:26

I would say that, you know, it's the symbol of the Yin Yang, if you're familiar with it, Yin Yang, so on one side of it is the light and the other side is the dark. So our shadow sides. On one side is the happy and the next side is the tears on one side is the masculine and the divine feminine. So everything that I do, the inner the outer is all based on duality. So I don't know of a single woman who's so even the most powerful women that I have worked with, and some of them have been high mucky mucks in the corporate world that they don't still feel an ounce of what was the word that you used earlier the sub not sabotage but you use like the the word imposter. Imposter. Yeah. So everybody, everybody that I have met and worked with has an ounce of that, let's just say and so I would acknowledge that. And if that is on your shoulder as you're walking into the boardroom or the courtroom or whatever, the stage, then you just say thank you for sharing. I appreciate you're trying to protect me. And now I want you to sit right here right next to me over there. And that's just for me a way that you the judge, the critic, the harsh person, whether it's your mother that has said that to you or your husband or your spouse or whatever. Just set it aside. So that is something in the mirror, just say you've got this. Yeah. Then physically, physically how you look matters. because people respond and react differently to you based on how your appearance is. So your personal brand, how do you want to show up? How do you want to be seen and remembered, I would wear clothes that make you feel really good about yourself. That adds confidence. Sometimes in all honesty, when you're wearing more businessy clothes, or if you're going on a hot date, I mean, wearing date clothes, but wearing something that's appropriate, or a little different than what you're used to, will make your body go on alert a little bit more. And so that also you want to be alert and alive and, and feeling like you want to be there, you know, you want that nervous energy is actually good. It's good, you show up stronger, right? So you don't want to be completely complacent and like yawning before you walk in. So for me, what I kind of wanted to leave with actually is image is like a sentence, and you string a bunch of sentences together, it becomes a paragraph. And what I mean by that is that it's just a nonverbal form of communication. So the necklace that you wear, the earrings that you wear your hair, your lipstick, your clothes, your shoes, each one of these brings in an aspect of your image. That's physical, and then you bring in that you know that you belong you absolutely, you've got this, who else knows this better than you? And if there are others, that that person you were talking about that saying I'm no Oprah? That's fine. Not everybody can be Oprah, but be the best version of you. Yeah, once you know that, and you believe that, that right there is half of it. And the fake it till you make it would be just the physical, the shoulders, the arms outreach, leaning in to talk to someone and your eye contact. If you're less if you're more nervous, that is the only thing that I'm going to tell you to fake.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:27:03

I love it. And if people want to learn a little more about what you do, or if they want to, you know, maybe talk to you about some of the things that they would like to work on, other than working with me to work with Huda? How can how can people get directly in touch with you?

Huda Baak: 00:27:20

I love this. It's been I think now 32 years and when we're recording this, the best way I think would be my website. So it's Huda bark.com. And the reason I say that is because each month or two I change a freebie on there. So every time you go it's gonna be probably something a little bit different.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:27:39

And they are good freebies. I've got several of them on my computer and I actually use them so you know they're good at freebies are actually

Huda Baak: 00:27:47

the one thing I wanted is that they're super fast, but it was a one minute closet makeover. The other one is, is figuring out your own style, you know, your own branded style, who are you? Who do you want people to see you as? So there's always something fun in there.

Mardi Winder-Adams: 00:28:02

Great and all that information, who does website information is all going to be in the notes in the in the bottom of the below the screen here. And thank you so much. You know, we really appreciate you being here and it has been insightful as always.

Huda Baak: 00:28:16

Thank you so much, Mardi. I appreciate it.